Of Black Smurfs and Ikea

I found two black Smurfs in my kitchen. One was atop the microwave, comingling promiscuously with a group of plastic dinosaurs (innocent plant-eaters, no less) and looking dramatically out of scale, while the other was perched on my new razr phone--I normally find technology to be highly suspect, but for some inexplicable reason I always (read: "once before this") buy really flashy cell phones.

As is my wont in times of stress, I decided that consulting a reference book (a la Hermione Granger) would be the best course of action. I faced two problems here:

1. does a Smurf comic book count as a "reference source"?
2. why on earth did I buy the French language versions when I was at the musee de bande desinee...oh...never mind

I've only read the black Smurf episode en francais(see problem #2), so the finer plot points elude me. And, as I indicated in problem #1, I'm not sure that this is even a reliable reference source.

This situation is overall quite worrisome because I'm not sure if I should be looking for white flowers before the dinosaurs turn black and start shrieking "gnap" while rampaging across the counter top to menace my spice jars and paper towel dispenser, or I should be reassured because, after all, they are all made of plastic and would most likely just sit there being plasticky.

And even if attacked, paper towel dispensers can be pretty sturdy. Mine is a one-piece pointy plastic number from Ikea (see "comfort zone" post below) and it's much larger than the dinosaurs. It's also multilingual, if its helpful explanatory markings are to be believed, which should help it communicate with the Smurfs and the dinosaurs. Unless the Smurfs bite it and it becomes infected and I come home to a house full of hysterical plasticware shrieking "gnap" and possibly painting itself blue.

How to handle? Well, in The Transformers (2007), which I saw the other night, the army guys discover that evil burrowing scorpion-type transforming robot shooty-killing things can be melted at extremely high temperatures, even if conventional Earth weaponry only dents them.

Maybe I should buy a creme brulee torch on the way home...