The Giant High-End Cockroach

The place: An anonymous posh hotel in Fort Lauderdale, Florida
The time: 7 am on a sunny mid-November Tuesday morning
The unwanted visitor: a 2-inch long, shiny dark brown cockroach-like insect
His friends: a number of worms
Fig. 49 from Insects, their way and means of living, R. E. Snodgrass.


Yuck.

I was not in a stellar mood when I arrived in Fort Lauderdale late Monday night. A full day of teaching, a hectic journey to Newark airport, a delayed flight, and a long taxi ride are not cheer-bringers to me. There may be people who thrive on such wonders, but I'm not among them. I was still having the tail end of an adrenaline rush when I got into bed and didn't sleep terribly well, but speaking engagements are speaking engagements, and you really do have to get up.

Imagine my surprise to find a rather large cockroach lying on his back in the middle of the bathroom floor. At first, I though he was dead, but no such luck was mine. After dropping some tissues on him, so I wouldn't have to touch his dead and possibly unhygienic insect body, I realized that my new friend was quite alive because he started scuttling madly about the travertine tiles. Then he disappeared.

Yuck.

A few moments later, as I was wondering whether to call for help, my new friend made a break for it. I breached the social contract by squishing him in a rocks glass, then got ready for my meeting and brought him to the front desk of the hotel. On the way, I discovered that a number of worms had also entered the room through the front door.

Did I say "yuck"?

Yuck.

The nice girl at the front desk was suitably horrified about my visitor and gave me a new, nicer posh room. I started feeling a little bit guilty because I'd really liked that story about Gregor Samsa when I was in high school.