The Grain that Built a Hemisphere

In The Omnivore's Dilemma, Michael Pollan describes the dominant supermarket culture in the United States as creating a nation of corn koalas (that'd be us). Apparently, eating only one type of food makes you a koala...or maybe a panda...they only eat one thing, don't they? Of course, koala and corn both start with the same sound, thus producing a more alliterative quality than the corn panda, which actually sounds a little weird. Plus koalas are slightly cuter, although pandas are pretty cute as well.

(left) Koala and baby...look how cute...public domain image by Brian Dell.

Hmm...the panda and the koala do have a lot in common:

1. both are "bears" (while not really being bears)
2. they each have a limited, plant-based diet
3. neither is native to the United States
4. both are depicted as cuddly toys
5. both appear in action movies

Now, my understanding of the koala is that it's one of those "harmless plant eaters" that, once again like the panda, has an unexpected nasty streak. According to Wikipedia, koalas get violent when they're disturbed and should be left to sleep for at least 16 hours a day, preferably in a nice eucalyptus tree where they're free to nosh if they wake up. You would never know this from popular depictions of the koala as in Jackie Chan's First Strike, in which he hugs a koala, then dons some really interesting-looking koala underpants before (or maybe after) going out on a snowmobile without a coat. Which makes me wonder "Would Sarah Palin approve?" And what about the practical impact of underpants (check this out).

But I digress... The point is that Jackie Chan snugs up with a koala which is just hanging out placidly in his hotel room, when in fact a real koala would be very cranky and probably draw blood if anyone even suggested checking it into the Best Western.

And pandas aren't always that much better. Just look at this panda, attacking some guy to get his jacket. A kinder interpretation might be that the poor panda was bored and didn't have any money to get to the Gap and buy its own jacket, which presents quite the mental picture. Even Kung Fu Panda, while cute, seems to get a bit testy as times.

Which brings me back to my own personal identity as a corn koala. Sure I like action films and I have a limited diet, rich in corn and other plants. But I, unlike the koala, come from a species that is rather clever in its application of corn.

Image by Sam Fentress, used under the GNU Free Documentation License,^[1] Version 1.2 or later, and the Creative Commons Attribution Share-Alike license version 2.0.^[2]. Attribution is required.

Take, for example, high explosives. In my travels, I came across a lovely little propaganda film called "The Grain that Built a Hemisphere" that explains, for the more ignorant among us, how corn caused the rise of the Americas and can be used for various applications such as feeding pigs, making flapjacks, justifying widespread human sacrifice ...oh, and blowing up Axis tanks. Pollan didn't mention this particular use for corn in his book, although he does mention ethanol, but I think it's important. Just think--no koala is going to blow us up with a eucalyptus bomb.